Classic Business Monsters & October Opportunities

Brady Hitchcock
10/18/2023
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Spectrum Recruiting Solutions Presents: CLASSIC BUSINESS MONSTERS!

A half dozen horrifying examples of when good business people go bad. We’re in the business of helping individuals avoid becoming business monsters and find jobs with companies that don't create them.

If you or someone you know needs help getting out of a horrifying work situation, don’t be afraid to REACH OUT and let us know what we can do for you.

They call us the scarecrows of recruiting because we keep the pests away. Also, because we're outstanding in our field.

#1 THE INVISIBLE MAN:

Our first classic business monster is the type of person who just doesn’t show up. Employees who miss too much work or those who are so ineffective that their impact is practically imperceptible. Candidates or hiring managers who don’t turn up for interviews, recruiters who don’t call back. Not ghosts per se but ghosters for sure. Unseen executives who make decisions, seemingly from another dimension and rarely materialize outside of a gala or golf tournament. They’re easy to place but hard to spot. We can help you avoid them (avoiding you).

#2 THE MUMMY

How do you identify a business mummy? They’ve been tied up in bureaucratic red tape for so long, it turned white. Inefficient, ineffective, and irrelevant, these types prefer doing business at a glacial pace. They may have been productive, even prolific at one point but too much “circling back” has them all wrapped up now. Frightfully afraid of change, these folks prefer the status quo over all else and come undone at the first sign of innovation. Business mummies are doomed to be eternally entombed in the catacombs and cubicles of mediocrity. Luckily, they are pretty easy to outrun and we can help.

#3 FRANKENSTEIN’S MONSTERS

Perhaps the most tragic of all business characters, these monsters have no idea just how dangerous they are. No semblance of self-awareness, no signs of emotional intelligence, and not an original thought in their borrowed brains. Sadly, it’s often not all their fault. They were likely pieced together by bad managers and mad scientists in the stuffy, sterile laboratories of corporate USA. It seems to take an act of God to get these monsters moving and when they do, they flail about like deranged marionettes, manipulated by unseen, out-of-touch puppeteers. We can help you avoid them and more importantly, avoid creating them.

#4 THE WOLFMAN

This is the classic, bloodthirsty, business monster who places profit above all else. Willing to selfishly slaughter the entire company coop in the interest of instant gratification, rather than rely on the steady, sustainable production of eggs. These are woefully unreliable, wildly erratic types who only seem to come around every full moon (right before performance reviews or investor meetings). Even then, the well-groomed, mild-mannered person you thought you knew has been replaced by a shaggy, savage visage of capitalism. We’ve got the silver bullets you need to take them down.

#5 THE CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON

Slippery, slimy, and hard to get ahold of, these are business monsters who slink around, shirking responsibility at every turn. Evasive, ambiguous amphibians who often avoid accountability by taking so long to get to the point that everyone else drowns in details. Naturally adept at treading water, they somehow stay afloat within an organization for years, “putting pins” in everything, accomplishing nothing. These slick sycophants will surface to take credit and brown their noses but when there's real work to be done, they're just too swamped to help out. We can help you avoid letting these creatures drag you and your company down to their underwater lairs of incompetence.

#6 THE VAMPIRE

More often than not, these people are not literal bloodsuckers, but energy vampires. Soul suckers who feed on emotions and enthusiasm. Count Dragulas, who drain the life force from any situation they enter. The office killjoy, the company fun police, the Toby Flenderson to your Michael Scott. Although they usually mean well, they are emotionally exhausting, eternally codependent, and avoid liability like sunlight. Like classic vampires, they take on many forms so they can be difficult to identify. We’ll jump in like a gang of Van Helsings to sort them out for you… Before the stakeholders get angry.